**Warning the punny innuendo might be too much for you to handle. Stop reading now if you are under 18 or are easily offended.**

We were inseparable the first few days we met. I couldn’t wait to come home so I could put my hands on you, turn you on and watch your lights flicker just at the right moment. I breathed a heavy sigh of relief once you let me reload, and I would spend hours on you well into the night.

But now, it’s only been a month and you are disinterested. I’ve turned you on, only to turn you off. That worked for you at first, but now your stubborn button doesn’t’ work. I’ve talked you up, given you everything you’ve asked for – even changed your battery and fully charged you a few times – I know you like it like that. Sadly, none of that is enough. We don’t connect any more, and I don’t understand why. You’ve even asked me for access, which I can’t give you. The password doesn’t apply.

I used to know how to push your button just right, so you screamed good WPS. But now, I get a dismal flashing red every time I turn you on. I guess that’s what I get from picking you up from off the street. You said you were the Wind in my hair, but now I doubt that to be true. Even your friend ADSL takes months to come.

After all, it’s Italy they said. You’ll find amazing things. Internet hotspot, you are not one of them. I get the message, and we are through. I’m leaving you for “free” WiFi and tea at the local café. At least they know how to get me going.